今ここの感情や思考を文章化することで、その物事に対するストレスの発散となり、その言語化を客観的あるいは円環的に眺めることで対応も可能となります。
それは私にとってのレジリエンス（生きるための財産）のひとつ。
今日の言語化（走り書き）は以下のものになります。
お互いに時間をかけてゴール直前まで来たのに、最後の最後で構築されかけていた信頼関係が崩れ、目的の達成ができなくなる。
加えて、その過中においても信頼関係を失う様な言動が複数あり、結果が想像に難くはなかったが、可能な限り信じてみようと使った時間ではあった。
年齢を重ねるほどにこの結果がキツく感じられるようになってきました。
十数年前に人や物、周りの全てを捨て、想像を遥かに超えた喪失感と向き合い乗り越えてきた経験と成長があるため、新しく出会う人が意識の低い人だと心底残念に思います。
１＋１が２になることは難しい、増してや期待する２以上の力になることなど殆ど無いと感じできたことをふまえ、現在の仕事においては、極力自分ひとりで完結できるもの、自分ひとりで責任がとれる範囲内で行なっているため、他者との共同作業の状況で文頭のような事になると、身体中の力が抜けてしまうほど残念な気持ちになってしまいます。
構築されたお互いの信頼関係が壊れる、あるいは構築されかけていた信頼関係が崩れた場合に対する自分の捉え方をポジティブな方向にすれば良いのはわかっているし、受け入れれば次に進めることはわかっているけれど、人生において与えられた時間には限りがあり、死を意識しながら生きようとすると、目的の達成がされなかったまでの過程で使った時間やエネルギー、専門的スキルが本当にもったいないと感じることも事実です。
しかしながらこれもまた経験であり学びなのでしょう。
同じことの繰り返しの様に見えても、今ここの状況や状態が全て同じではなく異なる部分、異なる要素が少なからず存在している。
人の価値観や捉え方、意識レベルは異なるものであり、１＋１を２以上にするには、双方が純粋性と自律、専門的知識と技術、そしてある程度のレジリエンスを持ち合わせていることが条件ではないかと、私は考えています。
記事 : Photographer MAL / 丸本祐佐
【It is not only a stress reliever, but a response to the thing and an asset to live by itself.】
Writing down feelings and thoughts in the here and now can be a release of stress about the thing, and viewing the verbalization objectively or circularly can also be a response.
It is one of my resilience (assets for living).
Today's verbalization (scribble) is as follows
We spent a lot of time with each other and came very close to the goal, but at the very end, the trust that had almost been built up was broken, and we were unable to achieve our goal.
In addition, there were several things that were said and done during the process that led to a loss of trust, and although it was not difficult to imagine the outcome, it was time that we spent trying to believe in each other as much as possible.
The older I got, the harder I felt this outcome.
Because of the experience and growth I had over a decade ago when I left people, things, and everything around me, and faced and overcame a loss far beyond anything I could have imagined, I am deeply disappointed when new people I meet are less conscious of what they are doing.
I have come to realize that it is difficult for 1 + 1 to become 2, and that there is almost nothing that can be done better than 2, which is what is expected of me. Therefore, in my current work, I do what I can complete by myself as much as possible and within the scope of what I can be responsible for by myself alone.
I know that I can move on if I accept the breakdown of the trust that has been built or is about to be built, and I know that I can move on if I accept the situation in a positive way, but the time I have in my life is limited, and if I try to live with the awareness of death, I will not be able to achieve my goal. However, it is also true that the time we have in life is limited, and trying to live with death in mind is a real waste of the time, energy, and professional skills we have spent in the process until our goals were not achieved.
However, this is also an experience and a learning experience.
Even though it may seem like the same thing over and over again, the situation and the state of the here and now are not all the same, and there are not a few different parts and different elements.
People have different values, different ways of perceiving things, different levels of awareness, and to make 1 + 1 more than 2, I believe that both parties must have purity and autonomy, expertise and skill, and a certain degree of resilience. I believe that.
article: Photographer MAL
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